Stop crying!

I had been planning to write about men's mental health, but it took a long time to think of what to write, or how to even start this post.

Firstly as a female, I cannot assume what most males are going through, although some of it can be understood through the media- making fun of men expressing emotions.

There have been films such as 'Fight Club' (spoiler alert to those who haven't watched the movie)  presents a male protagonist who unbeknownst to him has another personality- this separate character is the total opposite and shown through the eyes of the protagonist who sees him being masculine, a leader and confident who attracts the attention of females, the want to be this macho guy, all guys look up to. 

These types of behaviors are only expected in some countries mostly in western cultures, whereas countries such as South Korea; men express their emotions through physical behavior which is by male groups putting their arm around each other, or holding hands, it is encouraged by the media. Although only now mainstream media has encouraged males to express their emotions, this is most recent and society is slowly accepting this.
I asked most male respondents on their experiences with mental health, below are their responses:

• "Well it's true that for a long time emotionality in men has been looked upon in a negative light. There does seem to be a tendency in societies around the world to pigeonhole men into the role of the rock or figurehead of a group or family, which puts a lot of pressure on men to remain stoic and emotionally strong regardless of whether or not they feel that on the inside.As some equate the showing of emotion (crying, self-doubt etc) as a sign of weakness. In the west this has changed substantially I think because of the focus on mental health we have in the media nowadays ( movies, TV, the press). I think environment plays a large part in how willing a man is to show vulnerability and emotions if he is surrounded by people that won't judge him, the more likely he will be to open up about his feelings. If this is reversed and the man is raised in an environment, where the more violent potential of masculinity is the norm or a necessary requirement (i.e prisons, war zones, and rough neighbourhoods were male on male violence is common) this forces men to bury their vulnerability for the sake of survival. I think environment plays a large part in how willing a man is to show vulnerability and emotions if he is surrounded by people that won't judge him, the more likely he will be to open up about his feelings." 

• "One of my anxieties is thinking about the future, would I have a good life or a better job? So it's normally the guy thinking like this is because of the prehistoric times (protect, shelter, feed). It's mostly having anxiety where they think they can't better themselves. I can't do much, I think that I really can't improve on different areas of life. The times that I felt depressed was when my father left me."

• "Mental health amongst men is very common, not many men speak out about it simply because of set social standards and acts. Depression and anxiety, as well as stress, are things that I myself have experienced and were difficult to cope with as I also became part of the norm to not speak out and ask for help. Some days would feel like a struggle to live, breathing would become a heavy task and even speaking to others seemed like a burden. Living became an empty shell where I didn't really hope for anything or want anything - disappointed before things even began. Others around me felt the need to pick me up and that only added to both parties weight - I felt even more useless and a burden and they endured even more hardship. As it progressed, a lot of people tended to stop talking to me and I distanced myself.

• It was weird though, some days I would be perfectly fine and suddenly it would just smack me right in the face and everything turned upside down. I would stop eating food, going on with some days with just a simple meal consisting of a single apple, crisps and if I'm lucky maybe a sandwich. Breaking out of it is no easy task either, it definitely took me awhile to feel better but for me, there was a realization that hit me. I wanted to be happy and healthy, and enjoy life for what it is. I truly aim to love every second of life as it means so much, not to lose a moment - ever."

• "Depression comes whenever you're alone and there's a moment where you think just about yourself and how others view you and mainly think negative thoughts as I'm your head people judge you the way you are like you feel hated and not needed so you conclude to discard others or do stupid things to harm yourself."

• "For me, I would say I've had periods where I have felt severely depressed and periods where I've been very normal. And I'm not too sure what gets me in and out, but I can tell you that when I start feeling depressed, I know because I dislike being around people. I can't make eye contact, constantly have negative thoughts racing through my mind...would rather do things alone even though I feel lonely. I also declined invitations to things I previously enjoyed doing...I remember in college all I would is sit in my room, smoke weed and watch stuff on YouTube, that got a bit depressing but I chose not to do anything about it as there wasn't anybody to tell me differently. One day I decided to start going the gym. It helped but not really, I think the only thing that really helped was talking to my friends. Another time stress from uni was getting so much that I was having really bad thoughts, no matter how much I blocked them out I was still thinking about them...suicidal...but I was sane enough not to do it. I had to call up home. I ended up breaking down on the phone with my mum and she asked me to come home immediately. I didn't. I stayed and passed my exams. What got me through my depressive periods is friends and family, also not letting it beat me. I challenged it and I beat it instead. Off the record I experimented with a lot of drugs in university, that's what brought about a lot of the depression, it was mainly by the hallucinogenics."

Thank you to the male participants for sharing their experiences, it's hard to speak about mental health, but important that we are aware of this, and aim to encourage others to speak up. If you are experiencing or feeling this way, below is the CALM campaign link and phone number where you can get help right away, or would just like to speak to someone.

https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/
0808 802 58 58