After a brief recuperation from my previous post- I’m not going to stop discussing this. I will continue to write about my experience with sexual assault/rape. I don't want to be somewhere in my 60’s regretting that I didn't call out the people that were involved, and maybe it is time that I say something.
My courage outweighs my fear.
On November 16th 2022, I was raped by Sangit Khadka (@khadka_kumar_sangit), my cousin Neharika Chaudary's (@_rikaney and @neyha.c) male friend. I was raped in her bedroom (in her family home). And my dear cousin did nothing to help me.
It was said to me by her former lover Bhusan (who's mostly thinking he's scott free whilst he's currently studying in Australia, his Instagram is @pipebombbb). He stated to me on the phone that to Neharika's defence she wanted to intervene, but he told her to stop and to not get involved. Their silence and passivity made them as guilty of the crime than the main perpetrator. It did feel 3 against 1 person, showing their complicity.
Surely you must be thinking that Neharika has some sort of guilt- that is incorrect. Whilst having a discussion with her, she most adamantly defended his innocence, but reminded me “it’s not about me.”
The betrayal of family cuts you deep, it's forever embedded in my heart, that is why I REFUSE to visit Nepal. I refuse to face the music, and I don’t want to see family and I don’t trust any of them. Betrayal by someone in your own family is a truth that is hard to swallow. This whole ordeal has demonstrated to me the best support isn’t always from your own kin.
You know when you realise that the people you are friends with represent who you are as a person? Well, this was proved correctly by meeting Neharika's friends. I remember a past conversation I had with her female friend, who unwaveringly decided it was easy for a survivor to tell someone they were raped; and had no sympathy.
There is a sense of regret that I came to Nepal to celebrate Neharika’s birthday, but instead I lost my old life.
I did find it freeing when I wrote about my trauma. However I know healing is linear.
Do I hate my cousin? I absolutely do. I miss the old me, the one that doesn’t have intense panic attacks, or the one who doesn’t cry when she tried to have consensual sex. But, I know that with support of my close friends and my own resilience, I will not only survive, but thrive!
Sex education is lacking, and this type of ignorance is prevalent in Nepali society. In my culture when you try to tell your own child(ren) about sex, the parent tells their daughter to close her legs and to wait for her future husband, but boys will be boys.
As much as it feels Nepali society is finally standing up for justice, but change is too slow for victims on a judicial and societal level, and a vast majority Nepali society uphold misogynistic ideology that blames the victims. Victim blaming is not a Nepali issue, but rather a world problem. Nepal is simply the country in question for this post.
Everywhere around the world if we dress a certain type of way, if we drink, or get intoxicated- when a woman shares her experience it’s our fault.
It took me 2 years to finally open up about my rape, of course I know the repercussions of this decision, I know some of my family members will judge me or label me as a bad influence. I will forever be some type of black sheep to them, and while that’s not ok - I've accepted that. I want to openly stand up for myself, I want to warn any women knowing a man like Khadka- for them to be careful, to watch out!
I could provide you with so many examples where women are failed by the law, community and family. But we would be here for a long time, and this would be revisiting traumas for all women. As much as I want to provide more examples this does nothing, we need action, we need change. The first step is realising that our silence doesn't protect us, but shields our abusers.
