Sex. I said it. There. The word that everyone tells other people to be quiet about. The sexual revolution is a movement of being able to freely express the behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships. This social movement thoroughly influenced western developed countries from the 1960s to the 1970s. It was the ever-growing mindset of people during that time that helped shape and change people's perspective on sex. From sex being outside of marriage, to pornography, homosexuality, and the pill and contraceptives. A whole movement that encouraged all to enjoy sex.
The irony is that consent should have always been taught. So why is it now that most people’s mindsets are still backwards?
If the society we live in now is so pro-sex, why hasn’t their mindset towards victims of rape/sexual assault changed?
Why did it take a man to assume that when he was having sex with me, it was no longer my own body? That I no longer have control of my own bodily autonomy.
Why was it okay for these witnesses to stare and not say anything? I can bet some of you reading this post are already thinking, 'What made him do that? Are you sure that happened to you?'
I can tell you it did. It took me a few days to even get in my mind that this happened to me. The aftershock is still there. Do I trust men? The answer to that is yes/no. It has taken me a year to even try to at least trust any man, such as a friend or relative. Reading so many horrible news articles of how women are treated is triggering. How can we continue to tell the rest of society to stand up and do something?
Haven’t men realized this by now? The answer is yes. The rise of these men’s podcasts has led to giving men the platform to freely express how much they disrespect women. People such as Andrew Tate are sociopaths who are smart enough to know that what they say is detrimental to young boys.
Each year I have lost faith in humanity. Maybe it is because of my trauma, or maybe I’m absolutely tired of having to constantly relive the memory of that night. Of having to be scared when an opposite sex even accidentally rubs his arms or bumps into me.
I remember returning back home and wanting to wash every part of that night away. But I couldn’t. It was like a part of me had died inside. I didn’t trust anyone. I mean, even now, I find it difficult to open up with new people.
I remember missing work for a few days when I returned back to London. I just wanted to hide from the world. Regardless if a young single woman wants to actually have fun, why is it my fault a man couldn’t control himself?
Would it make you feel better if I never wanted fun and was waiting for marriage? If I never had any experience, you would then not somewhat blame me?
I do want to give a shout out to Michaela Coel for creating a show called ‘I May Destroy You,’ because without this show, I wouldn’t have realised what happened to me was wrong.
Healing from rape is a process. There is no due date to get over it. Sometimes it takes a long time to heal parts of it. But I do want to tell those who have gone through this: you are not alone. Don’t listen to ignorant people. In fact, be around people who support you, be it friends or even family, whoever you trust.
Maybe I’m crazy to have written this in the first place, but I’m not looking for sympathy. I don’t want this horrible situation to represent me as a whole. We are told and shown in the media that rape is being forced against your will, but it can be through other ways. I don’t want to disclose further descriptions of my rape, but I do want to add that you don’t forget about it, but you work on living your life through this trauma.
